For Mother's Day...
To my mom, and to the mom who shaped my soul mate's foundation. I love you.
If anyone deserves a special day to be celebrated, it’s you. The complexities of motherhood can never be fully understood or appreciated without one becoming a mother herself. Usually, I would attempt to say thank you for all you’ve done, and who you are, and how much I appreciate you. All that stuff is wonderful to hear, I know, but it can only scratch the surface of what I want to convey. So for this year, I just want to tell you, I know.
I know how you invested in me. Not financially, even though I also know you did LOTS of that, but how much of your soul you invested. I know the fatigue you felt on those days where you gave every ounce of your being, and then somehow was able to give even more. I know about all the tears you cried that were seen by God alone. Tears of worry, cried in the dark. Tears of bitter sweetness every time you realized that I was growing up. Tears of frustration when I was too much, and tears of pain when I hurt your tender heart.
I know about all the mundane tasks that raising me required, but I also know the excitement you had when surprising me on birthdays, and holidays, and just because. I know how when you went to the store (without me) you would see things that I would like and think of me. And how you still do. I know how you were my advocate when I had no voice yet of my own. You were not only just my mother, but my cheerleader, my protector, and my teacher.
I know how you are glad those exhausting days when I was young are over, but how you miss them at the same time. I also know that those days were harder than you imagined, but better than you imagined, and how you would do it all over again if you had to. I know how you poured your whole self into loving me and shaping me, and I know the simple joys you felt in making me smile.
I know your mommy heart; because I have one now too. And when I stumble along this road of motherhood, and am lost for what to do, I look back in time at you, mom.
And I know.